to grandma's house we go [GRANXGRAN]

Gran was sitting under a tree near the NPC, legs crossed, back leaned against the trunk. She had her eyes closed and was lightly snoozing away, dreaming of perfect souffles and perfect men. She had propped herself up against the tree to wait for someone to answer her quest beacon. She hadn't realised that the beacon had timed out a while ago. She'd been sitting there for roughly five hours.

She sucked air through her nose sharply, eyes opening quickly. She'd heard a sound. She sat up straight and then peeked around the tree. Gran knew the NPC was talking to someone, but she was very curious as to whom. Silently praying for a large, hunky, bravado-type man, she finally managed to see the stranger. She sighed and shook her head solemnly. It was definitely a male, anyway.

With a shrug, she stood up and brushed the dirt off of her trousers, and checked to make sure her big mace was still strapped to her back. She gripped the handle for a moment, but didn't draw the weapon. Putting on her warmest smile, she walked around from the tree into plain sight and waved at the man in a friendly manner, "Good afternoon, quest spotting in the woods, are we?"

Gran was going to say something snarky about being able to sneak up on younger people, but something about his face made her stop. She could feel something deep down as he continued on. She was caught between admiration and anger, and couldn't decide which one she would like to portray first. She could see it in his face that he was a kind young man, and she did adore the altruistic type. On the other hand, she had been carrying noobs in this game since almost the day she'd joined and she was wont to hit him with her mace. A menacing smile creeped onto her face, a shadow of doom beginning to loom behind her.

"Oh?" Gran's head tilted a bit to the side, her eye twitching ever so slightly. Her smile grew, as did the ominous sense of impending doom that was surrounding her. She continued on in her tight, almost angry sing-songy voice, "Oh, the man's going to help an old lady through the woods~"

She began to cackle lightly, almost like a witch might in popular American culture. She calmed down a bit then, and took a deep breath. So many people in this game had jumped between her not knowing anything about gaming and her being great at the game that being implied as completely helpless almost made her lose her cool. That was fine, she told herself mentally, she would just save his ass later. She begrudgingly accepted the party invite and looked up at the man.

"Well, dearie," Gran chuckled a bit, "Maybe when we get this quest done, I can go make some tea."

Gran sat still and marveled at how she had almost hit this kid. He had been surprised by her, she realised, and that's why he'd acted like she was a useless old lady. She giggled as he flustered around with his words and she waved her hand in front of her face, as if shooing a fly. He might have upset her a bit, but she wasn't one to hold grudges for too long unless they were severe. And she knew she looked old and feeble.

She watched his shoulders relax as she calmed down and she smiled warmly. At least he was the kind of young man that knew when an old lady was upset. Or maybe she was terrifying, she wasn't sure. She nodded as he continued speaking. She'd remembered the little eggplant monsters from the information her little acquaintance had given her. Really, most of the information Gran received about combat nowadays came from her little info mole.

"Well," Gran chortled at the man, "I hope you're as ready for combat as I am."

With that, she pulled her large two handed mace from her back and laughed. She was more than ready for whatever this forest threw at them.

Gran was impressed. The kid was able to keep his cool pretty well for someone she had just given her death glare to. She watched as he lead the way like some hero, and she debated on pinching him in the rear to see his startled reaction. And then, she heard it. She calmly looked over at the enemy mob as it rustled towards them, almost completely ignoring the hand raised in the air that signaled for her to stop. She eyed the monster up and down to get a read for it, and she brought her mace to bear. She watched with a smile as Farmsalot got slapped by a vine and then retaliate in kind by basically pricking the thing with a stick.

As his attack ended, Gran bolted past, her mace drawn behind her in preparation of swinging. She passed Farms with a cackle, bringing her mace down upon the plant's top with a swift motion. The plant screeched in horror as its HP bar got chunked down to almost nothing. And then she slammed her mace into it again, not even bothering to launch a sword art with either of her attacks.

--
Basic Attack - 101 DMG
Basic Attack - 101 DMG

Lvl. 2 Little Nepent
0/150 HP | 30 STR | 5 DEX
--

She put the bottom of her mace on the ground and smiled warmly as the Little Nepent screamed and shattered before her. She turned and raised a mocking eyebrow at Farms, "I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'Switch', am I wrong?"

She chortled a bit and spun her mace in a flourish. It felt pretty good to show someone up.

She smiled as the kid seemed to start to understand. She was no ordinary grandma who was stuck in this game. She was a woman with decades of real life experience. Gran was special. Maybe she'd grown a little reckless because of her body working like it use to when she had been in the military, but she was enjoying herself. She stuck the handle of her cane-mace into the ground and placed her hand on the tip of it. She liked to think of this as "cane form" for her weapon. She internally laughed at her own joke. She shot Farms a smile and shrugged lightly.

"I like the strength stat. I find it influences my actual capabilities, as well. Like, if I get it high enough, I could probably start lifting boulders. That'd be fun," Gran chortled along and walked past Farms.

She nodded kindly along with the NPC's generic dialogue. She almost wished Kayaba would've hired real actors to play out these NPC roles, but that would've been more disgusting than not. She sighed and twirled her cane before sticking back in to the ground a bit disdainfully. As they began to walk again, Gran pondered on the words Farms was speaking. Should she opt in for a bit of defense? She remained quiet for a good long while, scratching at her chin a bit. Long lists of possible outcomes were playing out in her mind. 

Suddenly, she exhaled sharply and snapped her fingers. She pointed her cane at Farms and shook her head, "I appreciate your offer to help me out with defense, but I must decline."

"You see, this is like rock, paper, scissors, isn't it?" She chuckled a bit and bobbed her head a bit, as if shaking the idea around in her skull, "If everyone were to worry about defense, offense would be sorely lacking, wouldn't it? You might argue that a little defense is better than none, but I'd have to disagree. Take that last fight for example. If I were to do as much damage as you did, one of us would have less HP than otherwise, wouldn't we? If you can't burst down your opponent quickly, they'll knick a piece of you off. That will continue bit by bit until eventually one mob will be the death of you. Whereas, with my damage, I can kill enemies before they have a chance to even whiddle away at us. Maybe your defense will come in handy for things like single combat, but against drawn out, multiple enemy battles? You'd die eventually."

She had monologued for a good while, but she was sure that Farms understood her point. With a satisfied smile, she flipped her cane back around to be a mace again. She blew out a bit of air from her nose and eyed another mob that had risen up directly in their path this time. Another Little Nepent. It screeched as she darted towards it, mace drawn back and ready to destroy. She felt a vine whip next to her face, missing it by inches. She was exhilarated. A green light streaked as she launched a sword art. She smiled warmly as the plant shrieked in terror and she slapped it with her mace again. It shattered into shards of light and she turned to shrug at Farms, coy grin creeping on to her expression.

"I forgot to say switch. Sorry."

Gran twirled her weapon back to being a cane and walked calmly over to Farmsalot. She stuck the cane in the ground next to his feet and looked up at him, her eyes squinting and eyebrows furling, "I know what I'm getting into, kid. One wrong move. One moment of hesitation. One poor decision. Even on party member failing to do their job."

Gran brought her finger up and ran it across her throat, "The slightest error will kill me. You might think I'm being rash or stupid or maybe cocky, and that's fine. You won't be the first. Then again, maybe I am being reckless. I mean, look at me. I've got something like ten years to live in the real world. Maybe twenty if I quit smoking."

She chortled and turned on her foot, leading the way to the edge of the forest. Talking about all of this was making her think about what it meant to do nothing but damage. What it meant to just hurt. She sighed and shook her head. This was no time to get nostalgic and sad. She could at least wait until they were out of the woods and had finished the quest. She tilted her head to the side and popped the ligaments in her neck.

"I know you're right, though," Gran nodded and frowned to herself, not bothering to look back at the kid, "That's why I never do anything alone usually. Back there with the NPC, I was waiting for a few hours for someone to respond to my quest beacon. I guess it must've timed out or something."

They were getting closer to their target now.

Gran looked up at the sunlight that was slipping through the leaves high above them. She smiled and stretched her arms up, straightening out her back. She had to remind herself that this was all a simulation. She was still an old coot. She looked down to her legs and frowned. With a shrug, she looked over her shoulder at Farms and smiled.

"I'll be honest with you, kid," Her smile faded a bit, "I don't know if I want to leave this game."

It was a simple, but powerful statement. Anyone who knew her in the real world would understand completely. She was dying, really. She couldn't do anything at all outside of playing those video games with her grandson. But he'd grown up and stopped playing them, because his mother had forced him into some law school overseas and he'd had no time anymore. Of course, he'd gotten enough money from his father to buy Gran one of the new virtual reality devices. She wanted to laugh at the irony behind it. She shook her mind of the thoughts and continued walking.

"To clarify," she tried her best to push down the feeling of nostalgia, "In the real world, I'm in a wheelchair. I've got one eye left, and that one's getting worse by the day. Constant pain and the inability to do anything other than sometimes play a video game. So, being here and being able to move around like this . . . I don't know if I could willingly go back. Even if we do beat the game."

As she talked, she was moving her limbs around as if to punctuate the idea that she was whole again. She spun her cane in one hand and stuck the handle back in to the dirt, looking at the friend request that the kid had just sent her. She looked up at him as she accepted it and smiled warmly, "Careful there, bucko. I might end up asking for more help than you can give."

She gave him a wink and kept on the path. She could see Horunka's small buildings in the distance, just past the edge of the forest. Soon, the NPC would probably prattle on about how grateful she was to them, going on about how she wished she could thank them more than she was able to. All babble and no substance. Gran smiled as she was reminded of her own daughter.